It's a Tuesday morning, 9 a.m. I've just drawn a bath with lots of Epsom salts and my oils of choice for the day - tea tree, copaiba, cedarwood, and serenity - to promote cleansing, relaxation, and community. Just what I need today. 

I've been up since 5 a.m. 🌞 The last few days, my internal clock and my body have said it's time to wake up between 4:45 - 5 a.m. I've always been an early morning person, but I've also been someone that tries to listen to my body, and right now my body says, "Wake up!"

I've been breathing into my days with a beautiful, sacred start after waking up. Sometimes the sacred start only lasts 15 - 20 minutes. That's what it was all last month when my body was like, "Nope, we're not going to wake up until 7 a.m." 

But this week it's been early and it's been beautiful. I've been doing 50- to 60-minute meditations each morning and the messages that flowed through during my Tuesday bath were particularly beautiful. So beautiful that I'm feeling drawn to share them with YOU.

The last few days, or few weeks I should say, beyond my body telling me to wake up early I've also felt this slight agitation. This sense of almost anxiety where I feel scattered and I can't settle into anything. My ideas are all over the place. So this morning I asked God to send me a message. Where is this energy coming from? Is it mine? Is it the collectives? Is it somebody else's? 

I don't like this feeling. I know I'm not being my true self while holding onto this feeling. Can you give me a little nudge, God? Can you give me a little insight? I know I've got big work to do.

So I settled into one of my favorite Joe Dispenza meditations. [If you haven't checked out Joe, you should.] In this meditation, I was in a cave. The meditation didn’t lead me to a specific location, it was just a guided introspection where I was supposed to just be. A void. My void turned into a cave that at first was scary and dark. It wasn't something that I was comfortable in, but I just kept going deeper into the stretches of the cave. I couldn't escape it. I tried to go to the cosmos, I tried to go to the rainforest, I tried to go to the beach. I tried to go every single place I could think of, and I kept getting led back to the cave.

So I allowed myself to settle into this dark, damp cave. The first images that flashed through my mind told me that I am accepting that this is where I’m at this morning. They were images of Mary Magdalene in her cave in the South of France where she lived - where she believed to live after her years of loving and serving Christ.

In Meggan Watterson's book, Mary Magdalen Revealed, she talks about this cave and Mary’s journey to it. We need to go inward again and again, to meditate, like Mary Magdalene so that we can see past the ego of our own lives to what’s more real and true within. And that was where I was this morning … in the cave, turning inward. 

As I started to settle in, I started to see beauty in this cave. I started to see caverns and stalactites and stalagmites, and I started to see fire and all of these other signs. It was beautiful and the light was shimmering in. What was this trying to tell me? Why was I in this cave?

As I continued on in the meditation, I started to get the messages that I had asked God to send me before I even began. I started to understand why I was in the cave, why I was agitated and scattered, and why I wasn't feeling like I was living in my body and in my heart center like Mary teaches us to live.

That's a big fat lie, of course. It's just my default, and probably the default for many of you, too. It's really, really easy for us to slip into that control. We go into the headspace where we've got our to-do list and we check it off as we go. 

But guess what? ⤿ This isn't where we create the most value in our lives for our family. This isn’t where we're supposed to hang out the majority of the time.

At that moment, I knew that the energy I was picking up on was because I had been surrounded by too much masculine energy lately. Too much of it creates a cycle where I am not putting up the boundaries I need to and then the energy from everyone else starts to seep in to my space and I feel agitated. This leads to Katie not living true and authentic to herself. 😟

So here I am. It's 9:00am on a Tuesday and today instead of jumping right into my day to create, create, create, I'm choosing to get these thoughts out of my mind. 

If you've landed here today, I know it's because this message is meant for you. It’s a message you probably know all too well. You know what happens when you get into that controlled energy, where you want to go, go, go, go. It's our default, but it's not the way we're supposed to create. 

What happens when I get into this mode? The ideas flood through, the light shines brighter. The cave doesn't look so scary anymore.

I'm not sad that I've spent the last three months in more controlled energy than I prefer to be. I'm not sad because it's part of my journey and I'm landing here today exactly where I'm supposed to land, just like you are as you read this message.

Sometimes we have to journey to the cave, to the darker parts of ourselves to find the answer. Don't let those dark places be scary and intimidating, and don't try to stay away from them. Go inward because, just like the moon, there's always a cycle. The moon goes dark and then it goes bright, and then it goes dark again and then it goes bright, over and over and over again. The patterns can be broken. The cycle, some cycles are meant to be changed.